I am crushed, confused, sad, mad, & floundering to understand a huge loss in our family. Scott Graves was 57-years-old. He died 3 days before my birthday & 7 days before his 58th birthday.
When people die, we tend to overlook the bad and only focus on the good. That’s really not a bad thing to do; after all, why kick a man when he’s down. But it’s hard to find the “bad” in Scott’s life. Sure, he had some faults but really he lived a life so selfless, so kind, so caring. It’s unfathomable that we would lose someone like that so suddenly and so young.
Scott entered into our family when I was probably 6 or 7 years old, and my sister was about 8 or 9. We were living with my mom in the basement of her friend’s townhouse, because we could no longer afford to rent the apartment we were living in. Scott was a single 26-year-old co-worker of my mom. I’m not sure I would have advised any 26 yr old to date, or marry a divorced woman with 2 kids, living in someone’s basement, and an ex-husband that caused frequent lawsuits and did all he could to pay as little in child support as possible.
It’s not an exaggeration to say Scott saved our family. He bailed us out and moved us up in the world. Aside from stepping into a messy family situation, and aside from stepping up and financially taking care of us, he provided us with a father figure we didn’t even know we needed. Scott was the opposite of everything we knew. Scott’s default setting was kind and caring. He had more true deep friendships than I ever knew was possible. This man had around 500 people attend his funeral service, and just about all of them thought Scott was one of their best friends.
Scott was faithful & involved in the church. He was involved in more community events, fundraisers, & school boosters than I can even track. Kids all over the county knew Scott, liked Scott, and felt he was a great role model. His customers were fiercely loyal to Scott because he truly cared about them & their success over a quick sale, which is why he was routinely the top salesman in the company.
Scott was selfless to the core. He gave my mom just about anything she wanted to make her happy. He was loyal to her. He never was the source of pain or trouble for my mom, and put her over everything else. He even took on the student loans & paid for all 3 of us kids to go to college, 2 of us were his step kids. He made sure we were given every opportunity to succeed even if it meant taking on a tremendous financial burden & pressure. Scott was the giving tree — He would give, and give, and give until the only thing left was a stump; and then he would offer us a place to sit & rest.
Scott was a great example of a husband. He and my mom spent countless nights sitting at the kitchen island having a drink, laughing, enjoying music, & just being happy with each other. He treated her well, took care of her, and took care of her kids. He loved her. They traveled, they had fun, and they did so much together. I’d say there is a tremendous void in my mom’s world now. In all of our worlds.
Scott was Papa Scott to my 3 boys. Those 3 boys are crushed just like the rest of us. The papa they love and who loved them back unconditionally is gone. Scott was the first to play games with them, first to listen to music with them, and would always sit and talk with them.
On the 100% Dad platform, we talk about leaving a legacy all the time. Scott leaves behind a great one. If there was a cruel & mean side to Scott, I don’t remember seeing it. He and I had a rough period between ages 13-16 and even then, it wasn’t mean or cruel. It was a disagreement in the way I thought at the time, which was rooted in custody battles. I can’t remember a time where he insulted me, yelled at me, hit me, or was somehow mean or cruel to me.
Scott’s legacy was the example he set & the life he led. How he treated my mom, us 3 kids, his 3 grandkids, his friends, his co-workers, his customers, and complete strangers.
He was a really good man that didn’t need the world to praise him and reward him for being good. It was simply who he was at his very core. A great husband, dad, granddad & friend. Selfless, kind, & caring. Scott was the man that had 500 people crying and mourning their friend & loved one.
We have a terrible void in our lives. We don’t comprehend the timing. We can only move forward certain that Scott made it to paradise. He walks with Jesus in a place so glorious & spectacular that we cannot comprehend or understand it. He is in heaven with more colors than we have on earth, with more peace & love & perfection than we can understand.
And I hope if I can make it there, he will be the first one there welcoming me to an eternity of bliss with the ones I love.
We all love Scott. We all miss Scott. We have faith we will see him again, and in the meantime try to live with more kindness, selflessness & impact enough people so they want to show up to our funeral!!