The endgame is what I think about. What kind of people do I want my sons to grow up to become?
When I think about my boys as adults, I picture a few things:
• They are happily married.
• They have good kids.
• They are independent and strong.
• They have a good heart.
• They are strong Christians.
• Their friends and family genuinely like them.
• People in the community like them and respect them.
• They’re involved in their kid’s lives.
• They stay away from temptation and live virtuous lives.
• They prosper financially.
• Their private lives reflect their public image.
• They are grounded.
• They are intelligent and well-spoken.
• They think for themselves.
• They are good leaders.
I know it’s my job to help them achieve a good life. I must lead, teach, and show them how to become great men. It’s my job to make this happen.
So, when I see spoiled little turds and parents who allow them to be this way, it makes me wonder.
What image do they see for the adult version of their child?
Do they know how much damage they are doing?
Why do they think this is a good thing?
Why are they afraid to hurt their child’s feelings, but not afraid of who they’re going to become?
Kids need to be told no. They need to learn respect, timing, and what is appropriate and inappropriate.
Kids need to learn to not interrupt mom and dad while they are speaking because the world does not revolve around them. They need to learn how to be patient and how to wait. Believe it or not, these are valuable life skills.
The inability to control impulses has consequences down the line. We want them to be able to control their impulses. We want them to avoid drugs, so they don’t become addicted, say no to sex so they don’t have STDs and teenage pregnancies. We want them to say no to temptation that can destroy their marriage. These are things that are learned not taught. Otherwise, they stand no chance. Mom and dad must teach this, and it starts when they are interrupting your conversations at age five. It’s also about respecting other people. Learning that your voice and your words are not more important than others. You must respect the other person by waiting until there is an opportunity to interject.
It’s a lesson about manners and politeness. Treating people like you want to be treated. Even these early moments have multiple impacts. It’s a real disservice to your future young adult to not teach these lessons. Listen, it won’t be easy, and maybe that’s the real reason some parents don’t bother to enforce it. It’s not easy because there is no possible way for a child to understand the rules the first time, so it takes patience, consistency, and active teaching from mom and dad.
Throwing a temper tantrum can never be rewarded. Whining and complaining can never be rewarded. The second you give a whining or complaining kid what they want, you have instantly made your life more difficult. You just rewarded bad behavior. You might as well give your dog its favorite treat when it poops on the carpet.
Your child learns that if they persist loud enough and long enough mom or dad will crack. It’s a wonder why we have millions of complaining adults, they think that’s how the world should work and everyone hates it, but let’s face it, that’s how the restaurant and retail industry works now. When someone complains—-reward it. Even when you know it’s fake. In politics, we reward the people who complain the most. I’m not teaching my kid to be a parasite. Not in my house. We have more self-respect and integrity than that.
When mom or dad asks you to do something, you do it. You will respect the chain of command in this house. We are raising free-thinking independent kids. We do want that But in my house, you will follow my rules. We are a family. You are my kid. I created you, so you will do what I say and what I say is consistent with our family values. I see a lot of parents ask their kids to do something, and then when it doesn’t happen the parent does it!!!!
It blows my mind that parents can allow a tiny little thing to disrespect them so much. To give so much power to something you created. To lose all the influence because you have no backbone. Your job as dad is to guide and teach. If you are a parent that is letting your kid walk all over you— you are teaching them to be disrespectful to adults and to authority. You are teaching them to be lazy, to have poor impulse control, and to be complainers. These have consequences down the road.
I think most parents don’t want their daughter to be the school slut. They don’t want their son infected with STD’s. They don’t want to see a teenage pregnancy. They don’t want their kids in jail. They don’t want their kids crippled by addiction. They don’t want their kids to die—from overdoses, hanging out with the wrong crowd, or doing stupid things to impress people who don’t care. They don’t want their kids to be broke, divorced, miserable, insecure, and otherwise unstable.
I think most parents, if given the option, would do everything in their power to avoid that fate for their children. The more time you spend with your kids, the better. That gives you more opportunity to impact them and more opportunities to teach. The more time spent with them when they are younger, the more you will be able to communicate with them as a teenager when hormones get crazy. A dad that tries to teach and control only in those later years is going to be in for trouble. Laying the foundation young is critical to having an impact in the later years.
Spoiled kids don’t turn out to be good adults. they grow up to be the kind of people we all have no desire to be around. Because everything they do and everything they talk about — is about them. They don’t have a genuine care for others. They are selfish. They don’t know how to achieve and do things on their own. Their self-esteem is low and they have to make others feel bad so that they feel good. They don’t know how to handle disappointment. They don’t know how to make a relationship work because they have no skills in sacrifice, selflessness, and compromise.
Not to mention they are just plain annoying to be around. There is very little that will convince me to spend time near a spoiled bratty kid. I’d rather jab a needle in my eye than hear the eardrum-tearing shrieks and shrills of a spoiled turd.
If you spoil in the name of making your child happy at all costs, I want you to put some real thought into it. Their short term happiness in youth is going to make the rest of their lives miserable. They will have no real friends. They will have no useful skills. They will be the kind of person everyone else HAS to deal with. They won’t be happy because they won’t know the reality of the world. Because you tried to protect them from the word NO. You tried to avoid tears when they were little.
Don’t spoil your kids and let them become brats. You are destroying their chance to become self-rounded fully functional members of society.
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I’m Townsend Russell with 100% Dad – The Dad Group
We’re preaching over here for Dads to step up, be real men, and real leaders of their homes.